‘Come as You Are’ by Emily Nagoski – A Swift Summary
Quick Notes
Reveal the secrets to sexual fulfillment with Emily Nagoski’s groundbreaking book, “Come as You Are.” As a renowned sex educator, Nagoski unveils the intricacies of desire through the dual control model of sexual response. Explore the accelerator (SES) and brakes (SIS) that govern arousal, and discover the crucial role of context in shaping our sexual experiences. Nagoski challenges traditional notions, revealing the impact of stress on desire and the unique nature of women’s arousal. Embrace curiosity as the key to a satisfying sex life, understanding that pleasure is diverse and individual. Elevate your understanding of sexual desire with “Come as You Are” – an essential guide for couples seeking intimacy and connection.
“Come as You Are” by Emily Nagoski is more than just a title; it’s an invitation to embrace and understand one’s sexual uniqueness. In this exploration of sexuality, Nagoski challenges traditional models and introduces the dual control model of sexual response, providing insights into desire, pleasure, and the importance of context. The book delves into the history of sexual response models, starting with Masters and Johnson’s four-phase model, which lacked a crucial element: desire. Helen Singer Kaplan’s triphasic model added the stages of appetite for sex, arousal, and orgasm. However, the introduction of Viagra for men highlighted a gap in understanding women’s sexual functioning, leading to the development of the dual control model by Erick Janssen and John Bancroft in the late 1990s.
The dual control model identifies two neurological components: the Sexual Excitation System (SES), acting as the accelerator, and the Sexual Inhibition System (SIS), functioning as the brake. These systems respond to sexually relevant stimuli and contextual factors, influencing an individual’s sexual desire. Nagoski emphasizes the significance of context in understanding sexual desire, highlighting both inherent and contextual factors. People vary in their sensitivity to sexual stimuli, and experiences shape individual desires. The emotional context, influenced by circumstances and brain states, plays a crucial role in sexual desire and pleasure.
The book explores the impact of stress on sexual interest and pleasure, emphasizing the need to complete the stress response cycle for a fulfilling sexual experience. Nagoski also introduces the concept of arousal non-concordance, noting the disparity between expecting sexual relevance and enjoying sexual appeal, particularly in women. A key takeaway is the recognition that men and women experience sexual arousal differently. Arousal non-concordance is more prevalent in women, challenging the assumption that genital response directly correlates with subjective arousal. Nagoski encourages a shift away from viewing sex as a biological necessity to understanding it as an incentive motivation system, more akin to curiosity than hunger.
In conclusion, “Come as You Are” combines scientific insights with pop culture references, making it accessible to a broad audience. Nagoski’s approach offers a nuanced understanding of sexual desire, challenging societal norms and promoting self-acceptance. The book has been praised as an essential guide for couples seeking to navigate the complexities of sexual desire in their relationships.
FAQs (Frequently Asked Questions)
How can this book benefit individuals and couples?
“Come As You Are” by Emily Nagoski offers profound benefits to individuals and couples alike. For individuals, the book provides a roadmap to self-discovery, fostering a positive and accepting view of their unique sexual responses. It dismantles societal misconceptions, empowering individuals to embrace their sexuality with confidence. In the context of couples, the book catalyzes open and honest communication about desires and boundaries. It facilitates a deeper understanding of each partner’s needs, paving the way for increased intimacy and connection. Overall, the book’s blend of scientific insights and practical advice equips both individuals and couples with the tools to navigate and enhance their sexual well-being, ultimately contributing to healthier and more fulfilling relationships.
What kind of readers does this book target?
“Come As You Are” by Emily Nagoski is tailored for a diverse audience with a curiosity about human sexuality. While primarily focusing on female sexuality, the book transcends gender boundaries, making it accessible and relevant to readers of all genders and sexual orientations. It caters to individuals seeking a deeper understanding of their desires, as well as those interested in fostering meaningful connections within relationships. The book’s inclusive approach invites singles, couples, and people of varying relationship statuses to explore its insightful content. Whether a seasoned reader of sexuality literature or someone newly embarking on this journey, the book appeals to those who value evidence-based information presented in a relatable and engaging manner.
How can readers share their thoughts and experiences related to “Come As You Are” online?
Readers can actively engage with “Come As You Are” online by sharing their thoughts and experiences across various platforms. Social media offers a dynamic space; using relevant hashtags and participating in discussions on platforms like Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook allows readers to connect with a wider audience. Writing and posting reviews on popular book review websites such as Goodreads amplify their voices and contribute to the book’s visibility. Joining online forums and communities dedicated to sexuality and relationships provides an avenue for in-depth discussions. Additionally, readers can create blog posts or share personal anecdotes on platforms like Medium, fostering a more extensive dialogue about the book’s impact on their lives and relationships.
Get 6200+ Book Summaries
Do you struggle to find the time to read self-help and productivity books? Look no further! Blinkist is the ultimate book summary app that can help you unlock your full potential and achieve your goals.
