She Comes First by Ian Kerner Book Summary
Quick Notes
Unlock the secrets of female pleasure with Ian Kerner’s groundbreaking book, “She Comes First.” Psychotherapist and sex counselor Kerner challenges outdated notions, revealing that all orgasms are clitoral. Delve into the intricate anatomy of the clitoris, understanding its 18 parts and their role in pleasure. Kerner’s “Cunnilinguist Manifesto” guides men to prioritize mutual pleasure and embrace core play over traditional foreplay. Learn the three acts of a cathartic sexual drama, ensuring she comes first. With meticulous instructions for each stage, Kerner transforms intimacy. As one of Amazon’s best books, “She Comes First” is a must-read for those seeking a profound understanding of female desire.
“She Comes First” by Ian Kerner challenges conventional beliefs about female sexuality and aims to empower men to better understand and satisfy women sexually. According to Kerner, a noted psychotherapist and sex counselor, the book addresses the concept of “ill-cliteracy” among men, suggesting that many heterosexual women experience unsatisfactory sexual lives due to a lack of understanding of female desire and arousal. The book dismisses the notion of distinct vaginal and clitoral orgasms, asserting that all orgasms are essentially clitoral. Kerner argues that the clitoris is the focal point of female pleasure and challenges historical misconceptions perpetuated by figures like Sigmund Freud, who deemed clitoral orgasms as “infantile.” He also criticizes the societal emphasis on penetrative sex, highlighting that female pleasure is not dependent on penetration.
Kerner introduces readers to the intricate anatomy of the clitoris, dispelling myths and emphasizing its role as a complex network of arousal with various hot spots. The book advocates for a shift in sexual focus from penetration to cunnilingus, proposing a “Cunnilinguist Manifesto” that encourages men to prioritize female pleasure through respect, knowledge, stimulation, and mutual enjoyment. The author provides a detailed guide to the three stages of female arousal: foreplay, coreplay (cunnilingus), and moreplay (penetrative intercourse). Kerner suggests that by prioritizing oral sex as the central element of sexual play, men can enhance female pleasure and satisfaction. He contends that women can remain aroused after orgasm, allowing for a more prolonged and fulfilling sexual experience.
The book received acclaim for its groundbreaking approach to female sexuality. It challenges traditional views and encourages men to embrace a more comprehensive understanding of female pleasure. In 2004, it was recognized as one of the best books of the year by Amazon editors and earned praise as “the Encyclopedia Britannica of the clitoris” in a New York Times review. For readers, especially thinking heterosexual men, Kerner’s “She Comes First” is positioned as an essential read, promising a transformative perspective on female sexuality and the potential for improved intimacy and communication in relationships. Ultimately, the book advocates for a more inclusive and pleasurable sexual experience for both partners, with a focus on female satisfaction.
FAQs (Frequently Asked Questions)
Is the book suitable for all levels of sexual experience?
Yes, “She Comes First” by Ian Kerner is highly suitable for individuals at all levels of sexual experience. Whether you’re a newcomer to intimate relationships or have extensive experience, the book provides insightful guidance on prioritizing female pleasure. Kerner’s approach is inclusive and accessible, offering practical advice that transcends levels of experience. For those new to intimate connections, the book serves as an informative and empowering starting point. Meanwhile, individuals with more experience can still benefit from the fresh perspectives and actionable techniques presented. Regardless of your sexual background, “She Comes First” offers a welcoming and informative resource to enhance understanding and satisfaction in intimate relationships.
Are there practical exercises or techniques suggested in the book?
Certainly, “She Comes First” by Ian Kerner goes beyond theory, offering readers practical exercises and techniques to implement the principles discussed. Kerner provides actionable insights, encouraging couples to engage in hands-on activities that enhance intimacy. The book guides readers through exercises that promote open communication, allowing partners to express desires and preferences. Additionally, it introduces specific techniques to prioritize female pleasure, fostering a deeper connection. These practical elements make “She Comes First” a valuable resource for couples seeking to enrich their intimate relationships. By incorporating hands-on exercises and techniques, the book transforms theoretical concepts into real-life practices, empowering couples to explore and enhance their sexual connection in a meaningful way.
Can the book be helpful for singles?
Absolutely, “She Comes First” by Ian Kerner is immensely beneficial for singles. While the book addresses intimate relationships, it also offers valuable insights for individuals seeking a deeper understanding of female pleasure, irrespective of their relationship status. Kerner’s emphasis on communication, self-awareness, and understanding desires makes it a valuable guide for personal growth. Singles can gain valuable knowledge about fostering healthy connections in future relationships, understanding their own needs, and approaching intimacy with a partner thoughtfully. The book transcends relationship status, providing a comprehensive and inclusive perspective on the importance of prioritizing female pleasure, making it relevant and enriching for both singles and those in relationships.
How can the book benefit couples?
“She Comes First” by Ian Kerner is a transformative resource for couples, offering substantial benefits to their intimate relationships. The book focuses on prioritizing female pleasure, fostering open communication, and creating a deeper emotional connection between partners. By implementing the principles outlined, couples can enhance their sexual experiences, leading to increased satisfaction and intimacy. The book’s practical exercises and techniques provide actionable steps for couples to explore and experiment together, promoting a shared understanding of desires and preferences. Overall, “She Comes First” serves as a guide for couples to break away from traditional norms, encouraging them to prioritize each other’s needs, communicate effectively, and build a more fulfilling and harmonious sexual
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